What’s Really Eating Me?

Tomorrow I have a doctor’s appointment. It’s nothing serious -- just a few questions about the changes I’m experience as I umm, mature. But I know the routine when you first go into the room, and for some reason, I’m not looking forward to it. You know -- checking your height, blood pressure, and, yes, your weight.

For some reason, I am just not looking forward to being weighed, and I don’t even know why I am even thinking about it! I feel so silly, because I talk to women (and some men) all the time about how a single number, at that one time, is not that significant. It is important for me to help people understand that weight is only a small part of who they are and what their lives mean. We put too much importance on this number, and make such drastic judgments about ourselves based on it. I want people to stop wasting their energy on this and find other important issues on which to spend their time. Like being with people, reading, living.

So what is bothering me? I don’t even know what I weigh these days. I am sure the doctor won’t care, or even look at the number, so what’s going on?

I suppose it is time for me to work on “practicing what I preach.” I truly believe that being At Peace With Food is a long-term relationship that, like all relationships, has its ups and downs. I think I must be in a down phase right now, and I’m not sure why. Perhaps I am more concerned about why I am seeing the doctor, and it is easier to focus on the weight. It’s always easier to blame mood on weight than to consider the real problem, right? It’s easier to think that personal or business relationships are not going the way we like because we are fat, and unworthy of attention or recognition. I have written in the past how I wasted time worrying about my weight and missing out on visiting old friends.

Perhaps the issue is that I am getting older, and am not sure what is going on with my body. I mean, I do know that bodies change as we age. I’ve read “Our Bodies, Ourselves, Growing Older.” I’ve even had the privilege of volunteering at numerous organizations that work with women going through all sorts of life changes. I know that I am going to keep coloring my hair for the next gazillion years because I’m just not ready to be gray. I know I can keep walking and watch what I am eating to help reduce my risk for chronic illnesses like heart disease and high blood pressure. But I also know that I am getting to an age where my genes may start pulling ahead of my personal effort to hold off some of these changes.

You know, we may be on to something here. Perhaps it is easier to worry about my weight than accept the fact that my body is changing. Perhaps it is time to not continue working on my relationship with being at peace with food; it is time to start developing the relationship that will help me learn to be at peace with my body.

Say, thanks for helping me figure out what’s eating me!

Become At Peace with Food: Stop Dieting and Lose Weight

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